Ladies, it's time to change our misguided
dating ways once and for all."
It wasn't long ago that women likely felt they
brought little to the marriage table. After the
dowry went out of fashion, women were largely
high school educated women looking for a
husband to "take care of them."
Today, however, the landscape of marriage and
the position of women in society are quite
different. More women are enrolled in and
graduate college than men, and, overall,
women's liberation was a success.
But with all this empowerment, why do so many
women still suck at dating?
Here are common mistakes women dating
mistakes women make:
1. Pretending To Be Something You're Not
We should always present the best version of
ourselves in any situation — dates included.
Where we get off track is when we alter our
authenticity to match a perceived need in the
man. If he loves sailing, we eagerly agree while
making a mental note to pick up a case of
Dramamine in the event a quick summons to
the yacht club occurs. Presenting a distorted
reality of ourselves dooms us to a prison of
falsehood and pressure.
Like everything else in life, the truth isn't
something you have to remember. Just be
yourself. Reveal your true opinions, even if they
run contrary to those of your date.
We're not trying to secure a second date; we're
attempting to build a relationship with someone
to whom we're already mildly attracted. Find
out early if your personalities are incompatible;
it will save heartache down the road.
2. Having Completely Unrealistic Expectations
Getting to truly know someone takes a while,
often a long while. Through dating and being
put in various situations, we learn the nature of
the person we're dating. Detach yourself from
the outcome. If a relationship ends, it doesn't
mean the relationship was bad. It simply means
it didn't have legs to go the distance. Live in
the present, enjoy each date regardless of if
there's another one and let the relationship
evolve. What happens will happen — if not,
c'est la vie.
3. Needing A Lot Of Attention (And Losing
Yourself In The Relationship)
When a date is great, it's very normal to want
to experience it again … and soon! Don't allow
your life to shift to focus solely on your new
love interest. Don't lose yourself in the
relationship or expect him to do the same.
Thankfully the advent of the cell phone
eliminated the "staying home and sitting by the
phone" trap that many women fell into. If a guy
calls you up last minute to go sailing, it's OK to
say you're otherwise occupied. We should
never need a man (or anyone for that matter).
His actions are his responsibility. If he doesn't
call you for a week, it doesn't necessarily that
mean he's just not that into you. He has family
and friends to hang out with and things he
wants to do. Women should do the same.
4. Revealing Too Much About Your Past
We've all been hurt. It's part of life. Nothing's
guaranteed in this life, especially in
relationships. A bad ending, as Tom Cruise so
wisely said in Cocktail, is the only way
relationships end. ("If they weren't bad, they
wouldn't end.") Perhaps our error is in not
pulling the plug when we see the third red flag
rather than waiting for the twentieth.
Not every man needs to hear the gory details of
our past relationships. Let the ghosts of
relationships past stay where they are: in the
past. Other than disclosing pertinent
information that impacts our current life, why
add dirt to clean water? We think it's giving our
date information about who we are and why we
have the views we have, yet what it seems like
to the man is a list of things not to do. Lovely,
the first date already has a HoneyDon't List. It's
not fair to hold anyone responsible for the
actions of another. Let the past go, and enter
each relationship as a new experience.
We learn about ourselves through each
relationship. Be grateful for every experience,
even the painful ones. We learn what we can
tolerate and what we can't.
Women need to recognize their empowerment.
We're not auditioning for the lead part in his
movie. Relationships are as complex as they
are rewarding. No one should ever complete
you. They should complement you (and vice
Go into dating as if you're meeting a new
friend. Love will evolve naturally, not only by
sharing a love for sailing.
posted by sos add up SOS on bbm 562FE194